Nostaglic.

I didnt expect it to be lurking there , cleverly disguised under the pretence of a boring day.
When it hit me , i couldnt help but smile.

The feeling is bittersweet.
It feels good to be able to relive that feeling again.
But part of me is disappointed that i,m not able to rid my mind of those thoughts.

I,m a little displeased though. Well actually very displeased.
Perhaps i,m asking for too much. But i was hoping for something better.
Ah well, beggars cant be choosers.

Does it pay off to be nice?
I could save myself lotsa trouble by saying a simple " No "
I could refuse and by doing that , i wouldnt have to take all the bullshit
I could save myself from having to pickup that piece of paper.
I could let the others do all the work while i care for my needs.
I could... but i probably wont be as happy.
I could but i probably wouldnt be myself.

You dont get an award or a medal for being nice.
You dont get money either.
However , by being nice , you do get that good feeling in your heart.
There will be people who take advantage of your kindness.
There will be people who use you just because you dont bite back
But there will also be people who will recognize you for who you are.
Besides. I cant really imagine myself being badass.
I mean according to mrs tan , i,m rather pragmagtic and i tend to use my head over heart.
I dont agree with her. While being pragmagtic allows me to achieve desirable results, using my heart just makes me happier.

I,m a confused person.
Confused in the sense that i dunno my personality well.
Am i a cheerful , outgoing , friendly person? Or am i some emoshit.
Do i bring joy to the people around me? Or am i a burden.
Would i condemn a criminal who steals to feed his hungry family?
I probably would , i,m not sure.
Goodness , i,m messed up.
Seriously , I cant even decide on a specific genre of music to listen to.

I like Japanese Rock like X japan and LunaSea
I like Japanese pop like Yui and Boa
I like Korean pop like Younha
I like Chinese songs like F.I.R ( well F.I.R is probably the only chinese music that i listen to extensively )
I like Them sexy/funky/bouncy T.J music
I like Shred guitar like Paul Gilbert
I like Technical stuff like Dream Theater
I like pop like Sclub7 and Avril
I like Blues like B.B King and Eric Clapton
I like anyhow songs like " Whats up people "
I like them oldschool Rock like Ac/Dc and GnR ( i hate punks who act all GnR )
I like oldschool punkrock like The Ramones
I like Rap like Chiba rap from Beck
Well , so far i havent mentioned techno and emo music.
I havent mentioned metal either.

But most recently , you,ll never guess what i,ve been listening to.
Its really sweet too!
But classical music is a killer.
Beethoven's Winter Sonata and FurElise , Mozarts i forgot the number but ochestra number 400 and something the really famous tune. Chopin's Rhondo.

I wonder what will happen, now that those emotions have resurfaced again tonight.
Dont blame me. Its not my fault.

Only time will tell.
Its not exactly a bad thing you know?

On another note ,
I bet you guys didn't know
I brew a mean cup of coffee or tea.
Its a hobby. Whenever i have the money and if i,m around town , i would drop by the teashop and get myself a bag of coffee or tea leaves.
By far , my favourite is Vanilla flavoured Tea leaves.
If the right proportion of sweetened creamer is added , you get this really creamy drink that would satisfy a sweet tooth.
Theres also peppermint as well. Peppermint tea is good for people who are feeling shitty.
But more importantly , its good for accompanying me through the night when i,m reading a good book , fanfiction online or Studying.
When i,m playing music or warcraft or watching anime though , I would usually have lipton tea. Reason is that i,m someone who gets hungry easily. Therefore i tend to eat a lot at night. Especially after 11. Dinner just doesnt cut it. Well , i,m a growing young man with insanely high metabolism.

I swear not to make anyone jealous but if you took your average female and feed her the amount of food i consume daily, she would be like fat.
Like real fat.
I think Yirun eats more than me though... well its to be expected.
Lotsa energy needed to maintain a body like his.

Generally , i guess i,m a rather eccentric person.
I enjoy reading horoscopes , i like taking personality tests and basically all those personality surveys. Well , none of them are completely accurate but there are some which come close.
I guess i must be obsessed with myself. I mean the purpose of taking those tests are to find out more about myself right?
I guess thats why i,m interested in psychology and sociology too.
I think theyre cooler than History...
History is probably one of my most hated subjects. While i generally score when it comes to hist and SS , i dont find them interesting.
I mean I,m not interested in the Bloshevik 1911 Revolution against the Tsarist Government.
Neither am i interested in the policies implemented by Mao Ze Dong during his rule.
Its irritating too. You have to memorize so much. Furthermore i have to write so much during the exams.
While i may be weaker at math and science. All you have to do is learn the concept , the formula and practice. Thats enough.
I mean i,m not interested in knowing how convection currents are formed. Neither am i interested in knowing the process in which an alchohol oxidizes into an acid but generally , math and science require less effort.
( i dont think i,ll ever apply Asquare + Bsquare = Csquare )
in my future life...

I still remember my ugly past.
In primary school , my mom put in a lot of effort into me.
She practically sacrificed her whole social life.
She gave birth to me at a young age.
She was divorced. Instead of going out and doing what a woman of her age should be doing , she stayed home and made me study everynight.
Honestly speaking , i,m grateful for it.
But no i didnt enjoy it.

She would reach home at 7 and sit with me to do work all the way till 10
She would give me work to do in the day while she was at work.
All i needed was to get 1 mistake for my "Ting Xie"
She would hit me.
She hit me with a wire. Not a cane.
Do any of you own electric kettles? She used that wire to hit me.
It hurt like hell.
I still remember. There was once where i scored 84 ( band 2 ) for one of my tests.
I cried in school that day. I knew that i was gonna get it once i reached home.

Regardless , my mom still treated my well. After the beatings , she would apply ointment on the bruises for me.
I had a maid back then , My mom bought salmon for me to eat.
Everyday.
Yes , i had salmon or cod almost everyday back then in primary school.
I remember how much i hated salmon back then.
During lunch , when my mom wasnt home , i would wait for the maid to go clean my moms room or iron clothes.
Then , i would dump the food into a plastic bag and throw it down the rubbish chute.

I was a fool.
Back then , i,d give anything for chicken.
What an irony. Now i wish i had salmon to eat. Chicken just doesnt cut it anymore.

Anyway , a major change in my life occured when i was sec2.
I moved out from my moms due to a quarrel.
Living with my dad brought about a whole new change in lifestyle.
I was no longer bounded by curfews and all that.

My dad gave me the freedom that i wanted.
I guess it was like the total opposite of being with my mom.
I went out to Lan Shops late at night , came home at 2 in the morning when i had school the next day.
Basically , i was happy.
I felt like a bird who had flew out of a cage.

Well , things didnt turn out too well.
I mixed with the wrong company and in sec 2 , my friends and i vandalised school property. All in all , we broke 8 firealarms and set fire to the library door.
Of course i need not mention things like stealing and truancy.
Dumb thing was that i got caught for most of the offences.
It was a common sight for me to be seen standing outside the Discipline Master's office.

( sorry i have no idea why i,m blogging about my past )

My grades plummeted.
In secondary 1 , i was in the 2nd best class.
By sec 3 , i was in the worse class.
I did well in primary school and secondary one.
I guess that was the main reason for my laziness.
I kept telling myself. " Dont worry , i,m smart. I just need to study a bit and i,ll get it right "
Of course , things didnt go according to plan.
I got held back.
My mentality remained the same though.
I got held back again.

I guess it was because my dad gave me too much freedom.
Of course , the main fault still lies in myself.

I,m not trying to show off or anything but
right after my first O level paper this year , My mentor ( in maris stella high school , retainees are given a teacher menton )
who was also my Social Studies teacher and the HOD of humanities told me
" Tim , 2 years back i would have thought that it was impossible for you. However , now i can easily see you getting into university and studying the course of your choice ".
That was a huge ego boost.
No kidding.
I felt good. I felt real good.
Especially since it came from the mouth of Mrs Tan.
One thing about her. She commands a lot of my respect. Shes a helluva woman.
She sees right through you. She knows how to handle all sorts of situations. Shes obviously intelligent. Yet, shes a fun person that manages to joke around , yet be serious at the same time.
She plays the guitar too! Her theory is there and while i may be the better guitarist , its unnerving to see her progress so quickly.
Lastly , shes over 40. However she looks 25.
I am NOT exaggerating. I,ve known her for 4 years.
Every new class that she takes doesn't believe her when she tells them that shes nearing 50.

Her secret? Botox. Hmm... hey she can afford it so why not?
Anyway , In those 4 years , she screwed me over many many times.
I've been the kind of person who can usually get away with trouble.
But she sees right through me lies.
I pride myself in lying. I can lie pretty well = /
I hated that woman.
When other teachers scolded me, or punished me, i could brush it off. I could just switch off the volume and take all that nagging.
But her. She would get at me. Her words would make tears fall down.
She would make me feel bad the whole day.

I guess, that made her earn my respect.
What a teacher , mentor and friend mrs tan.
Hm.. she still owes me lunch.

I wonder how i blogged up to this topic.
I AM a very luo shuo person.
I HAVE been told countless times not to side track.
People have been saying. " TIM. Get straight to the point "
Well , ok i will try.
But appreciate me a little. At least i dont skip out on details.
aiya. I guess i,ll end my post here.
I,ve let my mind wander for long enough.
I,m NOT gonna go through this post to look for grammatical or spelling errors.
So , if you,ve spotted many of them while reading this post , I apologize.