i,m not gonna kid myself.

Jamming today sucked.
Everything was WRONG.

But hey. That just means i,ll have to work harder for these 2 days.
Perhaps i,ve changed a little.
I still remember way back then. Whenever jamming sucked , i would EMO.
As in like it was a horrible kinda emo.

This is the mood scale which i created
Suicidal - Depressed - Melancholic - Sad - Normal - Content - Happy - Great - Euphoric

Well , right now i,m feeling Normal.
But dang. I think my DS-2 is spoilt.
Super a lot of feedback GRRR.
Nevermind. I,ll borrow Matthew's DS-2

Xinyi gave me some candy from japan.
I generally like candy and because its from japan its extra cool.
( Anything from japan is generally cooler. YES ANYTHING i swear even if japan had roti prata , i,d be cooler )

Anyway. The gig is 2 days away.
This would be my 5th public performance.
This time round however , i,ll be playing tougher stuff.
Couple of difficult solos. Marunouchi which is the simplest song has a few tough chords too.
For the first time , glamorous sky would be different ... I,m a bit nervous about Sounan. The beggining. Yea. my success rate for that thingy is about 40%? ... yea that isnt too good.

So besides that. I guess i,m able to cope better with my insecurities.
I mean like i,ve been telling Anthony and Gang Yi to move on and stuff.
But man.. sometimes i think i,m the one who needs to move on. Or maybe i just dont want to...
Ok look i,m not gonna start all that nonsense now.
Gig is in 2 days. No time for this crap.


Saionji was a wreck. Itou had went to answer the doorbell , leaving her all alone.
She knew that she loved him. She knew that he loved her too.
Yet , she was unsure. He hadn't ended it officially with Kotonoha yet.
Yes. She couldnt stand this feeling of guilt.
For the past week , Itou and her had been seeing each other , having lunch together , making out after school , acting like a couple behind Kotonoha's back.
Yet , never once did she have the assurance that she and Itou were officially together.
Itou had never mentioned ending it with Kotonoha.
But..all this stuff they did together. Wasnt it enough to show his feelings towards her?
To make things worse. Itou had been avoiding Kotonoha.
He stopped eating with her during recess. He stopped replying her messages. Even to the extent of avoiding her when they passed each other along the corridor.
Yes. His actions made Saionji happy.
But what was happening now?
Kotonoha was at the door. She could hear his conversation with her.
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Itou didnt know how to react.
He did not give Kotonoha his address.
Yet , here she was right in front of his doorstep.
Saionji was in the room waiting for him.
But right in front of him was the girl he loved. Loved?? He still loved her. But things were different now. He loved Saionji too.
He had vowed to end things with Kotonoha. But he just couldnt. Her angelic face , her sweet voice , her curvy figure and pleasant dispositure , he just couldnt bear to break the news to her.

Itou : Hhhi Kotonoha. how did you know where i lived?

Kotonoha : I asked Taisuke... Itou. I would like to talk to you. I havent been seeing you much in school and i think something is wrong with my phone because my messages cant seem to get to you.

Itou : Ahh..haha thats a pity. But you see. Actually , i,ve been a little busy with the class committee. You know ... preperations for Mid-Autumn festival and all..haha

Kotonoha : Oh! thats how it is. haha you,ve been working hard then. I was a little worried because Taisuke made a mistake and told me that you,ve broken up with me. He even said that you were together with Saionji. How absurd right? Hey Itou , during the mid autumn festival. Will you dance with me?

Itou : Err... haha. er i might be busy you know.. with class stuff. I cant confirm now. Really. Actually , its not too convienient to talk now. I,m actually not feeling too well you see. Yea. I mean its better if i,m alone. Not good if you catch my sickness.

Kotonoha : Oh is that so? oh. ok i guess i,ll see you around then. Bye , get well soon.
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Kotonoha wasnt an idiot.
She felt horrible. She had noticed the other pair of shoes next to Itou's.
Those belonged to Saionji.
Saionji was with Itou right now and she wasnt...
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Tears trickled down Saionji's face as she heard the conversation between Itou and Kotonoha.
Why couldnt he be straight with her?
Why couldnt he tell Kotonoha the truth.
It was killing her.
The fact that she might lose him to another woman.
She wanted to be the object of his love. She didnt want to share him.
She felt cheated.
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Itou : Haha. sorry to keep you waiting. It was some salesman..persistant guy.

Saionji : I,m leaving. I,m going home.

Itou : Hey! wwait. You cant leave now. No.. wait please.

Saionji : Let go of me! I can leave whenever i want. Besides. You still have Kotonoha.

* door slam *
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Saionji stormed out of the apartment.
Her mind was a whirlpool of emotions. Anger , Sadness , Jealousy .. those feelings clouded her.
She saw the lift door closing.
Dashing , she managed to hit the button right before the door snapped shut.
As the door opened , she saw Kotonoha staring at her with a look of confusion and hatred.

Kotonoha : Saionji... You are a despicable woman.
* SLAP *

To be continued...