kk.

I,m blogging because i havent updated in a while.
I know this is a horrible reason to blog but anyway. Ya.
Check out the cool song.
Its an oboe concerto in C major by Mozart.
One of the songs that made me wanna play the oboe.

So past few days have been an emotional rollercoaster.
Basically , i went from

Normal -> Depressed - > irritated -> Understanding -> motivated -> normal -> insecure - > content -> normal.

But one thing has remained constant.
I,m feeling
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S T R E S S E D
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omg.omg.omg.
The level of arts in CJC is HIGH!
No shit. We,re ranked 3rd in arts behind NJC and ACJC (pui)(yes i am prejudiced towards that school no offence if anyone from ACJC is reading this. There are good people in there too. I,m just talking about how i feel towards the majority)

you wanna see pro shet?

Below is what someone in my level wrote.

Upon first reading the poem, its general theme is clearly the inexorable nature and calling of death. There is, however, a subtle, more human dimension to it. Rather than convey rejection of the inevitable or delusions harboured of what ultimately is to come, the message here almost seems realisation rather than the denial; acceptance rather than defiance – a slightly unsettling yet quiet acceptance of life and death.

The first stanza begins with a reference to the ‘confessional’; this immediately gives to the poem a dark, austere atmosphere. I would surmise the comparison to be due to and of the mysterious, unknown nature of the confessional; in the same way, the happenings within the ambulance are left unsaid. Death here is given a figure in the form of the ambulance; it seems silent and detached, disturbingly contrasting against the lively vivacity of the ‘loud noon of cities’ it ‘threads’ its way through. ‘Giving back none of the glances it absorbs’; the ambulance takes on a cold, inhuman quality; an uncivil facelessness. ‘Coming to rest at any kerb’ and ‘visiting all streets in time’, the muted coming of death is shown to be ineluctable, as well as universal, in that no one is spared. This idea recurs in the second stanza, in the diverse ‘smells of different dinners’. Death is now shown to transcend the individual and the particular; ‘children strewn on steps or road’ and ‘women coming from the shops’ could well be any children or any women, from anywhere, all equally included, as they stop to gaze upon the ambulance. And gaze they do upon the ‘wild, white face’ of the person upon the stretcher – this description of the face could refer to – for the lack of a better term – its facelessness; a deliberate omission of identity and of the individual. Again, the theme of universality is touched on. The worrying nature of the face then inspires contemplation and ultimately realisation, all of which is covered in the subsequent stanza: the ‘solving’, conclusive ‘emptiness that lies just under all we do’ seems to bear a philosophical message. It displays the meaninglessness of life and existence as a whole in the face of death, and the beginnings of the ultimate realisation dawning. In seeing the passing of the other atop the stretcher, the bystanders ‘for a second get it whole’, and begin to wonder about their own fates. As the ambulance begins to leave, ‘fastened doors receding’, the bystanders ‘whisper at their own distress’; the tone here could imply that they are in dread of the coming of fate; even in fear of the very distress they feel towards the eventuality of death – including their own.

With the leaving of the ambulance in ‘deadened air’, meaning silence, a loss is experienced. Once more, the universality of the eventuality of this loss is shown – death transcends even the ‘unique random blends of families and fashions’, disregarding ‘what cohered across the years’. Death is also shown to be akin to isolation in a very literal sense; it is as if ‘from the exchange of love’ a person is left ‘unreachable inside a room’, cut off from the rest of the world. As the ‘traffic parts to let it (the ambulance) go by’, one cannot help but feel a slight sense of the solemn reverence conveyed. In ‘bringing closer what is left to come’, the ambulance ultimately hastens death. Ambulances are depicted in this poem as portals – a transitory stage and medium; they come and go like harbingers of the ominous. Finally, in ‘dulling to distance all we are’, the ambulance shows that in death, all individuality is stripped from us; we become as the distance between the fleeting sight of the ‘fastened doors receding’. Nothing more is known of us to the bystanders. In that way, a position of acceptance is reached: the ‘loosening’ of emotions ‘at last’; the symbolic parting of the traffic to allow the ambulance passage; the preparedness of ‘what is left to come’.

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I plead inferiority.
This is beyond my level.
Given i didnt take literature in secondary school but dang. I,d safely say that this is a Straight As essay. Well , not an essay , just the intro and the first 2 paragraphs but its still A quality.

History. Is the most heavy thing in the world.
If you excercised by lifting History , u,d become pretty darn strong.
The readings i get for International History are pretty ok. No problems comprehending them.
However , the content is super heavy. How many millions of cold war related stuff do i have to remember.
Inversely , the content for South East Asian History is rather little and easy to remember.
However , the readings are crazy. I,m serious. Its so scary. I have to check the dictionary for a new word almost every few sentences.
Further more , we have irritating South East Asian names.
King Chulalongkorn from Thailand.
Sultan Ofar bin jaafar smth smth smth from Malaya.

Ya. Well , thats just me complaining.
But seriously , i wish Mr Nathan my Econs lecturer , would stop speaking so incoherently.
No racism here but not only does he zoom through the lectures , his method of speech makes the concepts harder to grasp.

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K. Somethings been bugging me.
My class is forming into 2 groups.
I try to be nice so i,m accepted by both groups.
However , one of the groups is being pretty stuckup.
I dont mention this in front of them and i still talk to the people in that group , smile at them , be nice. But i,m seriously getting really annoyed by their hypocriscy and i really disapprove.

Heres an example. I,m sitting next to Ms.G during maybe lecture or smth.
She complains to me. "Urggh I hate this sickening lecturer. Hes such an asshole. He should go and die. " or " I really cant stand XXX shes such a bitch ".

I mean for me , these sorta comments go in one ear and come out from the other.
However , What am i to do. When she asks me. " Dont you agree? "

I,m not gonna say. " I DISAGREE NOW SCREW OFF AND QUIT YOUR BITCHING. "
No i cant say that.
I cant bring myself to agree either.
So instead , i act like a coward.

Reaction no.1 : Smile
Reaction no.2 : Divert attention. With retarded topics. " Eh? what lesson is next ah? "
Reaction no.3 : Act blur. " Huh? I,m sorry. I was just thinking about smth shitty that happened this morning "

But i really cant stand this.
I,ve spoken to 2 others in class about my feelings towards this negative attitude coming from the " superior " group. But we cant do much about it either.

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CNY is coming.
But this year , i,m not in the spirit of chinese new year.
I,m really bogged down by my assignments and commitments.

I,ve yet to complete History readings , I,ve yet to do Excercise 1.6 for math
I,ve yet to read up Econs Demand and Supply notes.

But the worst thing is that.
I have a TON of music theory to do. In a VERY short period of time.
OMG AND MY NOTE/REST GROUPING IS SHIT.
I SUCK SO HARD AT GROUPING.

Ahhh. I,m gunna die.

Not to mention i have to make sure my guitar skillz dont deprove and practice my saxaphone if i still want to continue hoping to become the saxaphone soloist in due time.

I dont even have time to read A hopeless Romantic.
and i feel kinda bad because i havent even read the nicholas sparks book that sherrie lent me.

I,m thinking of getting my Bridge readjusted and customized to suit my playing.
I called Beez. He quoted me a price of $50.
I dunno. I,m pretty hard on cash but i,m banking on Ang Pow Money to help me out through this tough financial time.

Thanks to Singchang for helping me repair my flashplayer.
I will upload a couple more songs into my Imeem. So you readers can pick and choose.
But that will have to wait.

I aim to be able to write better essays than the above essay which i shamelessly stole and posted on this blog. But anyway. For now , its just a matter of scraping through and completing all that needs to be done.

Quote Jarvis : Prioritize.
But man Jarvis. If you,re reading this.
I know whats your top priority.






























smoking.

(i,m kidding dont take it seriously)
Peaceout = )