seriously. This feeling of revulsion.
Thinking of it makes me sick and brimming with anger, hatred , killing intent.

*GLARE*

Yui might just be the only female musician whos songs have constantly captured my heart time and time again.

The sorrow. the subtle hint of gloomy melody in her songs yet tinted with a ray of hope.
It chills my bone.
It makes my hair stand.
It makes my spirits soar.
It puts me on an emotional rollercoaster.

That pure sound.
It puts me at ease

Today was the first day of the new term. I saw many familiar faces. Marco with his hippie jeans. Leane with her silky hair. Finally the holidays had ended. After all that had happened 2 weeks ago. That event which still hung on to me in shame. It seemed like everyone would remember it for eternity. That moment marked a turning point in my social life. Still, i tried to smile remembering the friends that brought happiness into my colorless world. For a moment, i just wanted to revisit the old days. the group hugs, the pretend fights. But now all johnny did was spend time with her. He talked only of her luscious lips. Whenever we went out together, I would be left at one corner. I wanted to squirm whenever i saw them kiss. I felt like i wasnt a part of them anymore. One other old friend was Sandra. I admired her attitude of work in play and play in work. It made her become that scholar that she was. I couldnt think of anyone even more special than her when it came to grades. Funny she was horrible in all other aspects of life. Its as if shes only able to study. The only one in my eyes who was still one of us had to be Vic. I wonder if i,ll ever obtain my goal of starting a business with him, marrying a beautiful wife and starting a family of 4. If i had a daughter, i,d name her Angela. A son, Michealangelo. Dont talk about marriage. I am still too young for that. I wonder if i can even get into a romantic relationship at the age of 15. Nevertheless i have my golden retriever, pixie. I love playing fetch with her. Still , pixie alone cant keep me company for the rest of my life. i cant help but wonder what the future holds. I stare into blank space at night. Pixie snuggles up to me her pretty furcoat. She licks my face, I grasp at that shooting star, wishing that one day, it'll be mine.

Love is nothing more than an illusion.

Check out this band called Love One Straw aka LOS
They are really awesome.
Sadly, they arent famous.
I saw them performing on the streets in Ikekuburo in Tokyo.

They were trying to promote their band and sell albums to the public.
During one of their breaks, i chatted with their keyboardist.
They formed 2 years ago.
They perform at Ikekuburo square every tuesday during the holidays.
I told her that i was a musician too. From Singapore she seemed interested.
I told her that their music was much better than anything i could come up with.
She laughed.

LOS made a very big impression on me. At 11 degrees celcius on a windy december night,
I heard their beautiful music at that little area inside sunshine city.

The drummer brought his kit over and i was intrigued by the wind chims he used in his playing.

The bassist had a cute badboy kinda face and had his bassed strapped high , grooving funkily.

The rythmn guitarist who also composed majority of their songs, wore a full black outfit with a black cloak and sunglasses and played his acoustic guitar professionally.

The lead guitarist had a purple long sleeved sweater on. Stepping forward occasionally whenever he was gonna play a riff or solo.

Kaori , the keyboardist was playing the bongo drums. Initially, i thought she was a supporter of the band. However, i realized that there was keyboard sounds coming from the wired amplifier on the floor. When i spoke to her, i asked her if she was the keyboardist. She said yes. The constraint was the lack of power sources. The guitar , bass and vocal amps were already using a central battery source. There wasnt enough power for a keyboards. Pity.

The one which captured my gaze though, was Ai , the vocalist. She had this wool coat on and wore boots. Her face was pretty and mature. Her hair was long and straight. Her voice, heavenly.

After 3 songs, my cousin and i bought their CD.
Now you,re listening to my favourite song in there.
Ashita Iro in english, that means. Tomorrow Exists.

Jamming was cool.
Yea. Somehow, even though we felt that we sucked bad ,
Well yea its true lotsa mistakes made but
but
but
The recording turned out pretty good.

shit man weekend the bridge the high hat.. damn gay.
Kk I was reading HunterXHunter. i mean i AM reading hunter X hunter.

I have done my History assignment.
Well , i did 80% of it before i left for jamming
but once i returned. i kinda smucked through the remaining 20%....
Shouldnt do that. Maybe i will go edit that remaining 20%.

Next up is God Knows. Wah. That one challenge. hohoho.

i,m gonna try this new method of blogging.
I,ll immerse myself in the song playing and blog in accordance to the melody and lyrics.

The past few days have been hectic.
Emotions have been on the edge.

Monday to Friday. I,ve been returning home after 7.
I,ve gotten over the running incident.

Some form of melancholy has managed to etch its way into me.
Paranoia has gotten hold of me.

Sometimes i feel that i,m a defect.
If my body is the machine ,
and my mind is the system ,
my heart is the error.

Sitting alone in the cafe today,
I wondered. Why the only company i had was my shadow.
I felt at ease.
But my mind ridiculed my action.
This occurence happened yesterday too.
Isolation.
I went to coffee bean to do my Lit essay alone.
The smell of cinnamon coffee was semi-sufficient in taming my impatience.

Constant pressure. The urge to evolve , unfold.
But my body does not comply.
The threads of relationship that bind all of us together.
Some are loosening when i want them taut.
Others are tightening to the verge of snapping.

Do you understand how i feel?
I failed the History Test that we took 1 month ago.
In fact , i was second from the bottom.
How can this be? I,m supposed to be better than the rest.
The effects are starting to show.
Ignorance is my virus.

I marvel at the power of my mind.
Grave , Solemn thoughts have enabled me to trick my heart
into feeling melancholy.
The human brain is a monster indeed.

Failure in academic aspects.
Fret not. This is mere random error.
It wont happen again.
On the condition that i dont lose my mind.
Where does the arrow of fate point me to?
Will i make it?

Stay a while and maybe then you,ll see.
A different side of me.

I fell today.

Literally.

FUCK.

Today was 4x400 relay heats.
I was a runner.

Was at SJI at 5pm. It started raining. So the event was postponed till 6.30pm
There were supposed to be a breakdown.
2 runners from 1T03. Kenny and I and 2 runners from 2T03.
So we met our seniors and discussed.

I was chosen to be the first runner.
PRESSURE.
Seriously. In relays, usually the first and 4th runners were the stronger ones.
Not for our case. Our stronger runners were the 2nd and 4th runner.
When i was at my starting line, i looked at the competition.
Pretty scary..

Then Bang. I started running.
100m , i was 3rd.
200m , i felt someone coming up from behind.
240m , i was overtaken. 4th place.
300m , animalistic bloodlust took over me and i managed to regain 3rd position.
350m , my body started breaking down.
380m , SLIP. FALL!

Fuck.

I was nearing the finish line. I could hear people cheering for me and then , BOOM. I had to fall.
End of story. during that period, i dropped to 5th position.
I struggled to get up and my baton which had skidded away from my body.
Passed it to 2nd runner.

Well , we ended up 4th.
but still... its because the rest of my team were strong.
i seriously feel like a letdown.
I mean. The other guys ran so hard to get that 4th position back.
The only consolation was that. Apart from Kenny, only 2 other classmates saw my unglorious fall.
Thank God it wasnt during sports day.
Nevertheless. Shame on me.
If only I had a second chance.
I,d make things right.
We would have gotten 3rd. Maybe just maybe 2nd.

Well Goodjob Tim.
Trust you to ruin things for everyone.

This sucks...
I have to be among the top 10% in my level for History and do reasonably well for my other subjects during mid-year in order to go to Cambridge....
Dang. Top 10%... thats tough.

And my chinese....
zzz

This marks the commencement of my evolution into becoming a fully fledged mugger.
---------------------------------------------------------------------

My Project work group is doing a topic on....



Female Empowerment..
Trust Jessica to choose a topic like that.
Doesnt help that my group is made up of females , with me as an exception.
I was working on this portion of my project work and i did some research.
After looking at some feminist websites... SCWO , AWARE , SWPBA
I kinda feel outta place.
Its an interesting subject though.
Talk about female empowerment...
Hilary Clinton...
I,m afraid that i might be brainswashed into becoming some female superiority person.
Dont get me wrong. I,m all for equality here.
But the direction which my group is moving in.
Scary.

Its as if Women are gonna take over the world in the future.

i,m so excited!

My godfather called me.
He said to make myself free on the 21st of april.
My godmother's birthday.

We,re gonna have dinner on the Ferris Wheel!!!!!
hohoho.

But recently, i,ve been declining too many opportunites.
My group members for pre-U sem voted me to represent the group to present on the big day itself. I declined. Now...i,m stuck with a stupid Resource personel role...
O well.

Theres also Reach Cambridge.
I am a greedy person. I tried for 1 of the 8 slots for Reach Cambridge for Literature.
I thought it would really mean smth. If i could get in for Reach Cambridge Lit as well.
Even though i would have to choose between History and Literature cos the dates clash , it would mean that i,m made of sick shet.

Well , theres still hope. My name should be on the reserves list for Lit.
On the other hand. I,m very proud of certain people.
YES! Sherrie , Annabelle , Eeling and Vanessa !
Congrats for getting through the first round of Lit R.C.
You guys are definitely group. Speaking of which. I,m glad that i,m working with eeling for Pre-U sem. Ever since i,ve entered JC. Or at least Arts faculty of CJC, I,ve been realizing that my English is sub-par standard.

Well, i,m improving now due to exposure. But still. Those people. Gradiloquent , Exacerbated , Soliloquies... excellent command of the english language.
No wonder my essays arent as enjoyable to read as theirs..

I realize that. I kinda regret not putting in my all for the Lit assignment for RC first round.
Looking at the people who got in, i really wish i could join them.
I mean those guys are my buddies. We,re cool with each other.

But for History, i,m stuck with certain people whom i find hard to get along with sometimes.
Well , i guess i,ll slowly make friends with them.

--------------------------------------------------------------

I would like to talk about Queue jumping.
I was hanging around the noodle king store wanting to buy some Wanton mee.
I was in a hurry.I planned to use 30mins of my 1 hr break to eat and chill.
Then, i,d rush to the library and use the other 30mins for assignment completion.

The queue was moving at a snail's pace.
Students were jumping queue. There was a teacher in front of me. He did nothing.
When it was about 3 turns away from mine , suddenly , 4 teachers just joined the teacher in front of me. I was pretty furious.

WHY ARE TEACHERS CUTTING QUEUE !!!
After a while , i had a little mental argument over the incident.
If students could cut queue. Couldnt teachers do it too? After all , Teachers are still human. They need their food.

BUT

They are teachers! They should set a good example.

...

As if it,ll work..

Besides. What right do i have to complain about teachers when i myself cut queue's on certain occasions...

Do me a favor. I,m not closing this argument. Give me your input through the poll.

----------------------------------------------

Look forward to jamming.
Ever since Weekend(blueblood) has been added to our songlist.
I,ve seen a rise in the number of times that i,ve touched my guitar daily.
I even borrowed Vics MD-2 so that i can produce the desired sound.
I cant wait to try it out on saturday.

---------------------------------------------------

You know, i,m pretty thankful for the friends that i have.
Those who dont give up on me.
Those who understand me well.
Those who try to understand.
Those who laugh and play with me.
Those who say hi when we cross paths.
Those who go through obstacles with me.
Those who always try to be there. Whenever, Wherever.

Thanks for being there.
------------------------------------------------------

Math class is pretty fun.
During math class , we change seating positions.
The guys are all at the back.
It is friggin fun.

What do we do during Math tutorial?

1. Calculator pressing challenge.
2. Singing of Chick Flick Songs.
3. Using Graphic Calculators to type dirty perverted messages to the girls which results in a war of silent words about small asses and missing manhoods
4. EAT

yea.. Math class is fun lol.

horrible day.

I woke up with a cold and trudged to band
Then , Shern Way and Nicholas gotta ruin my day for me.

Shern Way is my SL , Nicholas was the previous SL before he passed the role to Shern way.
They were my close friends in band.
We always hung out together after band. The 3 of us.

Then today. Nicholas screws me over.
" your playing sucks "
" yea i know. "
" Why havent you been practising? "
" Sorry man. I,ve been busy. "
" Busy? Its only been the first 2 mnths of school! What could you have? "
" Er. stuff. Work. "
" What kind of work? "
" Look Nic. I,m not slacking around. I,ve really been busy I,ve got stuff. I,m going for Pre-U sem"
" Wtf is pre-u sem? All it does is look good on your cert."
" And isnt that a good thing? "
" Look. Trust me. I,ve been through JC. All thats important is Academic and CCA. Whats this Pre-U sem shit? Its all useless. Just get good grades and have a good CCA. You,ll get into Uni. Why bother with all this other nonsense. "


Damn you Nicholas. You,re an awesome teacher. Yes a strict teacher. But a great teacher nonetheless. You,re a great player as well. But Today Nic. Today my respect for you drops like hell. I doubt i,ll be half the Saxophonist that you are. However. Get real. Do some self reflection before you start making fallacies like that.

What did you get for A levels Nic? SHIT. You got SHIT.
You were under the "Very good" list for SSO auditions. But you screwed up ur chance and didnt get in.
You can lecture me all you want about shitty playing.
But DAMN. Who are YOU to lecture me about my life. When urs is so screwed up.

Shern Way too.
"Band! Look. Discipline has been really bad. I dont care if you have some Pre-U sem or whatever , you STILL need to turn up"

Idiot. We were friends man. Not just a section mate kind of relationship.
Whats with you TARGETTING me like that in front of the whole band.
Maybe , if your measure of success is being a good saxophone player , kudos to you because, you,ve made it.

But damn. get real. Saxophone playing is for leisure. Dont turn it into a chore.
I dunno bout you. But for me, theres no way i,d grow up to play saxophone as an occupation.
For the record. Shern Way and Nic. I really wish i had the ability to say all these in your face but still. You guys are the boss in band. Nothing i can do. Wake up.

You may be the saxophone soloist and all that. But. In the end , if your grades suck.
What good will that do?

Oh yea.

I,m in a pretty good mood now.
Who wouldnt be.

One thing i didnt expect was my name to be up there today.
I swear. 1 hour before History lecture i was like sianing.
30mins before lecture everyone around me was like " Tim.. dont sian already. "
2 mins before lecture i was like a vegetable in my seat.

Then lecture started and i sat through it sianing.
After lecture , the names were announced 1 by 1.
" And now we,ll release the names of the people who made it through the Reach Cambridge programme , Now i cant say all but most of the essays were very good (when i heard this i was like T_T ) So anyway , the people that got in , congratulations. "

First name
Jessica Goh (from my class)
When i saw that name , i was like thinking. Shit... You see , there were more than 5 classes. So i figured , they'd pick the best from each class.
Statistically wise , i,m on par with Jessica. But seriously. Shes a frigging textbook. So at the point in time , i was like shit... i knew it. I didnt make it as expected.

Vern Chua.

Joshua Smth

Then..
Timothy Tan.
The lecture hall literally erupted.
I mean i was the underdog. The underdog made it!

O yea.
I was like gonna hug everyone lol.
Damn this shit is finally paying off.

Message to everyone out there whos having shit.
Cos i know theres a lot of you.
Complain all you want ! But work hard because it,ll pay off !
When you get your GPA of 4.5/5 or smth. Whatever works.
Damn the feeling will sweep you off your feet.
When that your assignment comes back with an A. Feeling is awesome.

--------------------------------------

enough about myself.

I would wanna share some quotes.

which i forgot....zzz

well nvm. Remember this well.
Involve , Improve , Endure and lastly , Enjoy.

Why? Because. If you,re not around.

You,re Asquare.

-------------------------------

Hmm. The competition with her goes on...
I thought the final selection would determine the superior one among us.
Apparently not..

But seriously , things have been wild. Too wild.
Expectations are constantly on the rise.

2 and a half mnths back.
I recall myself saying.
" PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS LET ME GET INTO CJC "
" OMG I HOPE THE BAND ACCEPTS ME "

1 mnth back i was like.
" PLS let ME GET INTO PRE-U SEM PLS PLS PLS "

But dang. Expectations are constantly rising.
Now i,m shortlisted to become the next Sax Soloist ,
I,ve not only been accepted into Pre-U sem but my group is representing the school for the main presentation.
I made it into Reach Cambridge!

Well , dang.
That was really egoistic.
kk relish in my glory. Temporarily at least.
Back to work.

I wanted to try for student council though. But i figured , i would just be killing myself.
God knows is pretty fun to play.
Been a while since i enjoyed guitar this much.
O yes.





My project work grp mates taught me this new code language.
Lets try it out.

Yea studied economics? Central problem of economics ? Scarcity with unlimited wants?
Theres still something that i want.

ｘこぃん　の　いい　に
　
い、d　ィ毛　と　せえ　よう　まけ　あ　ふぉおｌ　おうった　用r背lf　ｔりぃんｇ　と　ｔらんｓぁて　てぃｓ。