Friday, May 30, 2008 2:55 PM















Guess whos back ; )

I,d say Pre-U sem was a success.
I got to meet many new , different kinds of people.
I also got exposed to many different styles of thinking.

Anyway. Ima blog about the events the took place during this 5 day absence.

The first day was kinda boring.
Or maybe i should say the check-in was kinda boring..
Soon , the CJC gang of 26 was split-up into 26 different groups.

I was allocated to group 9.
There i met people from different schools and backgrounds.
The JCs and Polytechnics.

You see , there is this mentality floating around which i adopted prior to Pre-U seminar.

ACJC = Stuck up
IJC = mat school
VJC males are gay
NJC = hao lian
RJC = hao lian
JJC = boring

Ya thats about it. Of course its just a mere generalization and one cant assume that every one from ACJC is stuck up and every one in JJC is boring ya?

Anyway , during the 5 days, i was privileged enough to engage some of my groupmates in a private conversation about their school.

I talked to Daryl from ACJC.
He told me that there were many cliches in ACJC. But still , the people there are cool. Its quite sorrowful ( my lit teacher told me never to use the words sad/happy) though that if you arent in any cliche , you,re considered as invisible. He confirmed my suspicion that there ARE actually people who feel downright lousy in ACJC because no one talks to them. Well , Daryl is in rugby so he hangs out with the Rugby guys. However , he tells me that while most of them are cool , some can be rather insensitive about things. Well , thats ACJC for you..

I spoke to Dawn about YJC.
She tells me that YJC is actually a pretty Rojak school. This is because theyre one of those schools whom remain at a 17-20ish cutoff point for the sake of student cohort size. She herself is J2 this year taking er.. i forgot. But she knows SHING! Martin Shing! my buddy from Maris Stella whom i havent seen for a long time. Anyway, one unique thing about YJC , is that there are actually around 200 retainees! OMG! Which JC actually retains 200 people? In CJC, we have about 20 retainees. That is because those who cant make a certain cut are forced to leave the school. She says that retainees are actually quite cool though because of their experience in JC life! (Mind you i was a retainee like twice...in secondary school)

I had Justina tell me about PJC. Now. Justina is cool because shes in basketball = )
Yea. But i still find her way too softspoken for a basketball player.
I was interested to know more about PJC's culture seeing that Xinyi and Peiwen came from there. Well, according to Justina, PJC was sorta regular. You had the mugger side of PJ whilst you had the hooligans too. She told me that initially there was some divide between the students seeing that 60% of PJCs actually came from Bukit Panjang Gov Sec ( Yirun's sec school ).

I talked to Santiya about NJC. Contrary to what i believed , i think i misjudged NJC. Santiya is amazing. Shes a J2 in NJC. Vice-president of the student council , secretary of the debate club and a H3 econs student with H2 bio , chem , math. H3 is just crazy stuff. Well i would like to take H3 econs/hist next year but see my grades first lor... Anyway. I always had the impression that NJC was muggerific and stuckup about it. But it doesnt seem so. Santiya is really nice and she tells me that while it is true that NJC mugs like hell, the environment there is rather supportive. If you have questions , you can approach just about anyone for help since everyone knows everything...





I actually talked to DAI ( yes his name is DAILIsomething (indian name) but short form = DAI )
Lol Do As Infinity.
Ya anyway, Hes from TJC band and has played the euphonium for 11 years. Pretty cool. But he tells me that in TJC , the Performing arts and societies CCAs and the sports CCAs are 2 seperate entities. This is because every friday is casual friday in TJC and only sports CCAs get a cool shirt with the name of the sport printed on it. So.. i guess the performing arts CCAs are unhappy = (

---------------------

Ok anyway. Enough about Schools. I want to talk about people.
Pre-U Sem really opened my eyes. Down here , i,m meeting some really intelligent people, Some really sociable people and the classic RJCian which everyone kinda hates =(

Anyway, let me bitch about RJCians.
Each school had to prepare a presentation.
CJC's WAS AWESOME. WE PWNED THE WHOLE LECTURE THEATRE AHAHA.
No SHIT. After the presentation people were like coming up to CJCians saying that our presentation was really good AND funny = )
Yea. CJC is a fun school. No doubt about that.

KK anyway , I felt RJC's presentation was really good. No it was plain presentation with no creativity. But the speakers were articulate and presented well.
You see, During Pre-U seminar.
We have parellel presentations, panel discussions and Special activities.
After the parellel presentations and panel discussions , there would be a formal Q&A session with whoever was presenting. So people would have to queue up at the mike to pose questions to the presenters.

All in all , during these 5 days , i attented 13 presentations. There are this bunch of irritating RJC people.. After every presentation , when the Q&A session opened , they would rush to the mike like wild animals after meat. "Hi i,m Abagail Kang from Raffles Junior College " my god. I'm sick of hearing that...But you know , the questions they ask are insightful and valid. Theres one problem though , It is a formal Q&A session. You are wearing formal attire with blazer and pants. You have to abide by the code of conduct. State your name and institiution, pose your question , wait for your answer and leave. The reason? there is limited time for Q&A session so its not polite to hog the microphone. My god. The RJC people were so aggresive as if they were fighting for their lives. They would pose a question to the presenters and basically debate with them...After which theyd constantly shoot multiple questions and all. I think its rather embarrasing that the facilitators of the Q&A sessions had to constantly remind RJC to keep their questions short and not argue back. Occasionally cutting off some RJCians before their questions were fully answered cuz they were wasting others time.
During the panel discussions , ministers , Head of Departments from Universities and chief journalists were invited to hold a discussion with us. My god the RJCians have no shame. They,re like basically arguing with the people mentioned above for a full 10 minutes...


kk anyway , i think i might suffer from a variation of stage fright. You see, usually ACJC , RJC , TJC and VJC would hog the mike for Q&A sessions. However, i dare testify that this year's batch of CJCians were rather different/unique. I do respect every single of the 26 CJCians whom participated for Pre-U seminar as i feel that theyre all really capable.
Thus , this year , CJC was fighting for the mike too. Due to limited Lecture hall size in NTU , we had to break the 26 groups into 3 divisions. During the Q&A sessions , for my division , Sherrie, Debra and I were the more active ones whom participated in the Q&A session.
The presenters were located at the front. The microphones were located on the second tier or along the central steps. Its rather un-nerving to ask a question , disagree or comment on whatever issue was being discussed. ( i doubt its scary for the RJCians since theyre so thicked skinned. ) For people like me , especially us CJCians , we would actually consult each other about our questions to see if what we were bringing up was valid to the presentation and whether we were stupid enough to overlook anything. I was rather confident about speaking to the panel/presenters. Thus, i rose from my seat and went to the microphone quite a few times. However, when it was my turn , i would speak fluently and clearly but my body especially my legs would not stop shivering.
Its kinda like doing a guitar solo in front of a huge crowd. Well , its different because the chances of screwing up a guitar solo (depending on difficulty) is much higher than the chances of asking a well prepared question wrongly...

Ya anyway, this shivering wouldnt stop even after my question was answered and i returned to my seat. Its not like i,m afraid of speaking to a large group. I mean , i do it to my class all the time... Well , nevertheless this "stage fright" is something i,ll have to work on.

May i comment that the ministers well not all but the higher ranked ones are actually very intelligent. No, they are definitely not old fools. They tackled every question/comment skillfully and it really impressed me.

Pre-U sem is actually really fun!
While everyone here is deemed "cream of the crop" , the cream of the crop is actually a rather retarded bunch.
I mentioned earlier that there were " special programmes "
Well , the special programmes were a sandcastle challenge at east coast , An asian film festival where my division watched a filipino film about a gay boy (yes it was very insightful) and a digital chase which was a sorta high tech amazing race where we ran around NTU.

Everynight , during our free time , we would play dare and dare.
My god. The top students from the pre-U schools can be really funny and retarded at times.
Dare's like flirting with the vending machine , Dancing on the canteen table , pretending to be a Thai prostitute all that shit.
ALSO , during this 5 days , my group did about 7 tau poks , 1 throw all the males into the sea and 1 smash the cake on birthday boy's face.
Yes. These are the people that are scoring straight As.
Its scary because i,m meeting people who are really intelligent and i dont just mean academic smarts.

We watched movies at night and our hostel sucked so we crashed the Student Liason Officers ( SLO ) 's bunks (they have aircon) and did stupid things.

I,m going for Night cycling with my class soon so i have to end here.
But first some interesting pictures of myself.

I,m so sorry. You have to turn your heads.
I am well sought after. Lots of JCs want me = )



Some of the blazers are really tight.
Yea...female blazers...

Tim Innova JC


HWA CHONG HWA CHONG.


Tim Meridian JC (basketball)


Tim National JC


Tim Temasek JC.


SAJC!


Pioneer JC


HWA CHONG HWACHONG again


Yishun JC


Serangoon JC my god this one is super tight.


ACJC!


And lastly an (approximately 1/3) of the group photo where nobody is wearing their original School Blazer.
I,m wearing Victoria JCs


I,ll wait for the other photos to be sent to me. Post more and continue my unfinished blogpost later/tomorrow.



Monday, May 26, 2008 10:50 AM

Hi.

I,m posting before i go for pre-u sem.
i,ll be spending 5 days away from home so = (


Anyway, streetfest yesterday was pretty ok.
I kinda screwed up for god knows and weekend?
Well i think god knows is still ok for my part.
The weekend solo kinda sucks bad.

aiya all over already. also cant do anything.
Cheers to Skyler!

shakespeare once said.
"The world is a stage. All the men and women are merely players. The have their entrances and their exits."

I wonder where do i fit into all these?
I will work harder.
Before i get eaten alive from inside out.

Ever heard of the saying
" You only want what you can't have "?
I think that saying might apply for me.
Or maybe not?
Hai..
I really wonder how i,m going to participate in Pre-U sem with this state of mind.
Hell. I cant even act intelligent with whats going on within me.
AND
It sucks to know that i,m the main contributor to all my unhappiness.


I,m late.

Bye bye. = )



12:48 AM

Skyler.


I look gay in all the photos. i dunno why.


Its quite nostaglic to take this picture.
Skyler and Weekend Vacancy.
I used to play in TempX (weekend vacancy)
quite cool to see skyler and them take a photo together with our lil jarvis


Gayshit. I regret not being fast in whipping my phone out.
I swear. theres much more gay evidence. Its just that i was unable to capture it on camera.




12:44 AM

I have to let it out before it consumes me.

Why do i have to keep torturing myself like that?
By doing nothing, i,m causing internal harm to myself...

Yet, i dont dare to take the giant leap to a different future.
The grass may be greener on the other side but theres a high change i wouldnt make it and if i miss and fall,
Its all over.

Perhaps thats why i,m holding back.
But its straining to come out.

What would you do if you were in my shoes?
A coin toss between gaining everything? or losing it all.
Dare to stepup to the challenge?



Saturday, May 24, 2008 12:03 AM

i wanted to blog about end of exams.
Of all the events good and bad that happened today.

But i decided to watch episodes 6 and 7 of the new cool anime soul eater.

Then now...

No mood to blog T_T



Its so sad. I,m gonna cry.
T_T why must this kinda thing happen.
Tragedy *sniff*



Thursday, May 22, 2008 9:13 PM

Todays GP was somewhat difficult?
Well, i,m confident that i totally screwed up the entire AQ question worth 6 marks.
By why do i not seem worried?

Over-confidence will kill you tim.

I wonder how i did for essay writing.

Would you rather settle for a confirmed C or D?

or would you rather take the risk with a tossup between an E or high B (i am not deluded. I will not get an A)

Well, one cant help but feel worried about my essay.
I wrote reasonably well, as expected of an Arts student.
Now...its just the issue of relevant content.
I cant shake off the feeling that although i would give my essay a rather positive outlook, the chance of 1 or 2 paragraphs being somewhat filled with unnessecary content is quite scary as it could jeopardize my entire GP score.

O well, even though i should be worried.
I,m not.
Have i become more adverse in nature resulting in development of my maturity?
Or
Is this a sign of my ignorance.

Nevertheless, if i compare myself to the level average. I suppose that even if i were to under-perform for GP, i would still scrap an average grade. The wonders of moderation..
I hate to rely on moderation though...

Hmm.

So. the long dreaded math paper is approaching.
In fact , i can hear it knocking on my door , hageshiku semaru , ushinai-kaketa ishiki no naka de omae ga sasayaku.

*rolls eyes* why am i not worried? I,m still somewhat clueless over applications if differentiation.

But still, i commend myself for making considerable progress.
Logarithms is ok.
Inequalities is ok.
Graphing Techniques - good to go
Functions - stable
Differentiation - ready.

Just one missing piece to solving the puzzle.
Applications of differentiation.
But still, how does it feel like having your best friend as an official tutor?
We,ll see. Gang yi is giving me tuition for math now.
Yes. He is getting paid.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Content which was written before this line , was written at 8.30pm.
The time now is 1.50am.
I am ready for the math paper.
Applications of differentiation has been tamed. = )
Nobody wishing me luck nowadays = (

O well.

Come Sunday, Skyler will be going on stage.
One cant help but feel worried.
Yet somehow, the airy feel in my room seems to momentarily suppress my problems and worries.

Hmm.
Or maybe its the song that i,m listening to right now.


Either way,
When we take the stage on sunday, its gonna be
Lights, Camera. Action!



Wednesday, May 21, 2008 12:32 AM

What a day. I feel somewhat accomplished.

Yesterday , before i went to bed. I told myself.
It was gonna be one helluva day.

I had school (PE inclusive) till 5pm.
Followed by having to rush to jamming at 7.30pm
After which i had to rush back home for math tuition (thanks Y.H) at 10.30pm
Well , its now 12.40 am. I,m glad to say that i lived through today.
Its definitely been fruitful.


Yawn.
I have the power to make things right.

For the sake of my GP exam...
Do an essay on something which i read that left quite an impression on me.


While majority of the youths in asian countries suffer the social stigma of having to endure the harsh asian life of mindless studying, their counterparts, in the middle-east are predestined with a more relentless fate.

Born into a country driven by war, many youths in Afghanistan enlist into the Anti-Taliban North Alliance. The cause of this is the harsh life that the Afghan adolescents have to endure. With the abscence of proper education, most youths find it hard to make a living. Some would even go to the extent of following cows around with upturned palms to catch excrement to sell as fuel. The majority however, take the easy way out by enlisting into the army. By joining the army, one gets access to free food, clothing, water and cigarettes. This detour out of poverty has attracted many youths to enlist in the army at ridiculously young ages. However, in modern Afghanistan, scenes of 12-year olds skipping along with firearms slung over their shoulders seem almost normal. Such is the distorted image of youth in Afghanistan.

Major victims of the conflict in Afghanistan are the war orphans. Those are the ones who suffer most. Even for child soldiers, bloodlust runs deep. A large percentage of these war orphans have been traumatized by the loss of their parents to radicals. Without any true cause in life, these war orphans often enlist in the army with the desire to avenge their lost loved-ones. Whilst the youths whom enlist in the army get a taste of manhood and tainted "honor" , those who get kidnapped by the Taliban are put through excruciating pain and experiments. The ones that survive the torture undertake extreme measures of jihad schooling causing their young minds to be clouded by radical religious teachings. This constant involvement of children in an adults war would adversely affect the future of afghanistan.

Battle hardened from young, these warriors find it hard to change their mindset about war and the enemy. In a place where conflicts are solved as easily as a gunshot to the head, one can hope for peace. Yet, some Afghan traditions, might be impossible to break.

And i,m going to sleep.
I knew it. Its impossible to write a full essay under these conditions.
Goodnight.
Still , i hope the er short article i wrote would enlighten you a little more about whats going on in the middle east. Arent we glad to be safe in sunny singapore?
Yawn. I am going to sleep.



Tuesday, May 20, 2008 12:00 AM

I got rid of my biggest distraction.

How?

It was done so by uninstalling warcraft.

My action has produced tangible results.

Earlier on, i mentioned that i was weak in inequalities and differentiation

Well , After about 3 and a half to 4 hours of practice , i am proud to say that
although still somewhat shaky ,my inequalities and differentiation have advanced to passable level !

Now , thats a lot coming from a guy who isnt made to do mathematics

Hmm.
But really. After that rest and chillout session.
Its quite glad to know that the initial stress and hatred that i experienced in the afternoon is gone.

the drive is suddenly there.
Math exam , GP exam , Gig
The desire to overcome all of them.
Its manifesting and results are being produced.

Hmmm. Multiply and sustain the drive that i have now...
in no time i,ll be better than Paul Gilbert.

Well , a guy can dream...



Monday, May 19, 2008 7:37 PM

I HATE MATH.

CRACKING MY BRAINS over EVERYTHING...

I have 6 chapters of math to do.

I have confidence in passing the logarithm and graphing techniques section.
I am weak in functions , inequalities and differentiation
I am CLUELESS seriously 90% dunno anything for applications of differentiation.

I have 2 days till exam..
My head hurts. Thank god i take only H1 math and not H2.
I,m so screwed.
Freakin headache. I swear.



6:19 PM

The piano sonata on Jarvis's blog moved me.

For a while , i sat frozen in time reliving all the memories.
A wave of emotions surged within me and i experienced what i would describe as
an unworldy feeling.

But soon , the song ended and those lingering emotions evaporated into the air.

heh.. what a tease.

Back to math.



Saturday, May 17, 2008 1:46 PM

i just came back from the briefing of a pretty prestigous event.
I,m supposed to be feeling pretty psyched up.

Or perhaps , i should be feeling worried due to the date of my Math paper drawing closer, subtly but surely.

But no.
I,m just feeling remorse.
I screwed up somewhere along the line.
Now, something which i hold only secondary to my future, well, actually its kinda subservant to my future is in jeopardy.
I,m actually rather desperate to set things back into equilibrium again.

I wonder...if the road down this path gets closed, what would i do.
Its a one way road. Crumble and die or pray that things work out and win.
Hai.. who am i kidding.
Focus

And maybe i should continue to live in a dream.

The flower in my room is withering. Honestly speaking, it lasted a lot longer that i thought it would. Endurance.
Pity. It was beautiful when it was in full bloom.



2:58 AM

So many things have been happening the past few days.

I left band and joined drama wth sherrie. We immediately participated as part of the crew for the SYF 2 days later.

The upside? I still get to go to Australia = )
I dont get to play but i made a compromise with my band teacher that i,d do SM and admin work.

Yea. Drama is pretty fun. I am wanting to find out more about it.

----------------------------------------------

Its the H1 exams next week. Math and GP.
Oh no = (
I,m still ok with GP but Math , my worst subject apart from chinese = (((((
Hai...

-------------------------------------------

Celebrated Jeanette , Trini and Jess's Birthday in school today.
Ivan and I went to get them cake while Remy (Kenny) bought them mens health.
Yea its a class tradition.
If its a male's birthday, we buy FHM or Maxim. If its a female's birthday, we buy Mens Health...
Caked Face Jeanette and Trini. We got caked faced back though = (
Didnt dare to touch jessica. I still need my below intact....
I swear. She doesnt have to be so senile at times.
---------------------------------------

Yawn... its 3.00am Just got back from jamming.
I must say that todays jamming was energy packed.
Quite cool.
Things are getting better. The songs and all.
Xinyi is getting stricter. But i guess its for the bands sake.
Yea. Its safe to say that last practice was a turning point for our music.
Now, its just gonna get better and better (fingers crossed)
We went to Lau Pa Sat.
I swear. HT's car is a piece of shit. (Rideable and driveable shit)
It has algae growing on it...On his birthday, i,m gonna buy him a ticket to a carwash.
Too bad i wanted to get him some cooolio pedal but since he doesnt take care of his car..i,ll just get him a carwash ticket..
Like i said. We went to Lau Pa Sat in our japanese band talk tone. THe frikkin China woman cheated my money. OMG daylight, or rather twilight robbery.
The Nai cha (milk tea) with little shits in it cost me $3 bucks... Stupid stingy chinawoman. Cmon...3 bucks. Thats 1000% of the production cost!!!!
My god. Evil person...
Yirun and HT stumbled upon some shit on my Ipod but dude it aint what you think i,m telling ya. Well nvm.
When Dev and I were on the cab home , Fatigue sank in..Damn...Gig in a week , so many things to take care of... 23rd exam , 24th exam , 25th gig , 26th-30th Pre-u sem , 4th - 9th Australia.
Guess theres no rest for me...
Cant wait for XY to send in the recordings. Though they were mostly incomplete recordings...still, i think that they,ll be pretty decent this time round.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I met Maria today.
Damn...it brought back old memories.
I stepped into the room which i hadnt entered in 2 years.
The first person i saw was her.
Our eyes met and we both stood there briefly for a second. All the juniors besides Meijuan were staring at me as if i were some alien.
The silence was broken as we embraced each other in a hug.
It was awkward in that room. We were close. Too close in the past. But we had 2 years in which we lived in complete non-existence towards the other.
We have a lot of catching up to do.
Maria looks even more stunning now. I,m impressed at her height which i estimate to be about 171 / 172cm.
I,m not sure though. If things would become like before. I,ve started moving on.
I have really. These 2 years , were the most significant years in my life.
But still , it was nice seeing her again. I cant help but reminisce about the past.



Sunday, May 11, 2008 11:38 PM

dont take the fun outta music



Tuesday, May 6, 2008 12:23 AM

Today, i took a rather depressing look at things.

I came up with 1 word.

Doors


All around me. There are doors.
Some doors have been there for very long.
Some, i,ve only just discovered.

Some doors that are open , are slowly closing.
Others, are opening just a little.
Theres this door. Its closed. However, it seems like it might open with the right key. I have to be careful though. That door might break if i use too much force or go about opening it the wrong way. Oh how i,d like to go through that door.

Theres another door. Its somewhat opened. Enough so that i can sneak a peak to see whats inside. However, the little space which i can peer through isnt wide enough for me to understand what lies ahead. I think that door is slowly closing. I need a door stopper. QUICK !

I discovered a similar door to the one mentioned above. Actually, i knew of that door's existence for quite a while. Its just that, i never did try to open that door. Now, it seems because my eyes might be failing me, that this door is opened. Quite wide actually.

Doors doors doors.
Some doors are really elegant. It just makes you want to step into its doorway.
Others, although not as furnished, are slightly open , tempting me to enter , thus leaving this place.

Some doors although well furnished, lead to a dull place.
Other less furnished ones, lead to a bright place.

I hope to enter the right one.
I am both sure and unsure of which door i want to pass through.
But, some of them once closed cannot be re-opened.
I need a master key.
If only such a thing existed.
Doors...-



So...
Here i am thinking about doors.
Staring at that flower in my room.
How pretty. Its in full bloom.
I hope that when it finally withers after this week , my heart doesnt follow suit.